The level of determination in a person is almost scary. We as humans, have such immense power...yet we have to tap into the right areas to find that. It's crazy that the human race can range from Shakespear, Einstein, Benjamin Franklin- to, let's say George Bush. Where would you find yourself in that spectrum? Who do you want to be in history...even if your name is never published in a book? Who writes the shit we learn in school anyway? If I met 'Mr. Textbook writer', would I even give two shits about what he had to say? Would he be a 'George Bush' to me? Who knows if that information is even correct, or if what we are learning is accurate, yet we're forced into this public learning system- ran by the same government that's putting chem-trails in our skies, and poisening our drinking water. Who's to say they're not posiening our minds, too?
But alas, I'm falling off track. The level of determination in a single person is almost scary. If it is something that we truly want to acheive, there is nothing that can stop us from obtaining what it is we want. Right? Well, Brittany definately seems to be one of those- and it seems she has her eye on only one thing in this life. Me. Also- it appears to me that it has been this way for a very long time- thus expanding the so-called determination into some sort of a never quitting, relentless, passion o' love. I am not so sure what to do, as I've said before- it's my life, only I know how I feel, and only I can make that decision. What a tough one that is. Even the strongest person must expirience, and question. I guess the main point is to what degree you let this continue, and to what point you really call it quits. I'm lingering in the middle somewhere...which seems so strange because I do have moments of clarity. In these moments, the answer seems so clear- there is no going back. It's all set in stone right? Wrong. Moments of clarity are only clouded by moments of happiness, and that's what gets me everytime.
Leaving is the answer right? What if it isn't? Alright, I'll cut the bullshit, and just say it.
Basically this is what's going on. 11/11/11 I left brittany with the moment of clarity that our relationship is just not the route to go. We'd been treating eachother like shit for months and months, and I was over treating her the way she was treated, and over the way she was treating me. I was so clear, confident, and sure of my decision. Then...reality sets in.
I had a few people come to me, to advise me not to leave Brittany. They told me that they know she loves me, and wonder if I love her as well. These are people who are un-biased. People who actually KNOW Brittany, and took the time to get to know her. These are people who in some cases, know both of us very well, and actually gave her a chance. It then makes me wonder if my decisions are simply because of my surroundings. I'm so confused, so lost. I don't want to be looked down upon, to look weak because I tried again. If I leave-is that only because of the people who surround me, and their opinion of me? If so- why do I care to please them so much, to the point where I'd give up the person I love, spend all of my time with, and want go grow old with? On the other hand, are they right? Is the pain actually suffering?
'So what's the difference between pain and
suffering?
Pain has a purpose.
Suffering is true torture because it has no
meaning.
Pain is bearable. Suffering for no reason is
devastating.' - Mort Fertel
And if so- then what about the people who come to me, with tears in their eyes, and shaking voices- telling me not to give up on the love I've found? Is the hurt for a purpose? Am I too biased for my own good? Am I taking for granted the greatness I have found? So many seem to think so, while so many seem to disagree.
Either way, I feel myself falling harder for Brittany everyday....I don't know how to stop this cycle...I'm so confused. I just want clarity, and perhaps now is not the time for that. Fuck. As of late- it's so hard to distinguish. I guess I'll just have to live day by day, and do what makes me happy...
But alas, I'm falling off track. The level of determination in a single person is almost scary. If it is something that we truly want to acheive, there is nothing that can stop us from obtaining what it is we want. Right? Well, Brittany definately seems to be one of those- and it seems she has her eye on only one thing in this life. Me. Also- it appears to me that it has been this way for a very long time- thus expanding the so-called determination into some sort of a never quitting, relentless, passion o' love. I am not so sure what to do, as I've said before- it's my life, only I know how I feel, and only I can make that decision. What a tough one that is. Even the strongest person must expirience, and question. I guess the main point is to what degree you let this continue, and to what point you really call it quits. I'm lingering in the middle somewhere...which seems so strange because I do have moments of clarity. In these moments, the answer seems so clear- there is no going back. It's all set in stone right? Wrong. Moments of clarity are only clouded by moments of happiness, and that's what gets me everytime.
Leaving is the answer right? What if it isn't? Alright, I'll cut the bullshit, and just say it.
Basically this is what's going on. 11/11/11 I left brittany with the moment of clarity that our relationship is just not the route to go. We'd been treating eachother like shit for months and months, and I was over treating her the way she was treated, and over the way she was treating me. I was so clear, confident, and sure of my decision. Then...reality sets in.
I had a few people come to me, to advise me not to leave Brittany. They told me that they know she loves me, and wonder if I love her as well. These are people who are un-biased. People who actually KNOW Brittany, and took the time to get to know her. These are people who in some cases, know both of us very well, and actually gave her a chance. It then makes me wonder if my decisions are simply because of my surroundings. I'm so confused, so lost. I don't want to be looked down upon, to look weak because I tried again. If I leave-is that only because of the people who surround me, and their opinion of me? If so- why do I care to please them so much, to the point where I'd give up the person I love, spend all of my time with, and want go grow old with? On the other hand, are they right? Is the pain actually suffering?
'So what's the difference between pain and
suffering?
Pain has a purpose.
Suffering is true torture because it has no
meaning.
Pain is bearable. Suffering for no reason is
devastating.' - Mort Fertel
And if so- then what about the people who come to me, with tears in their eyes, and shaking voices- telling me not to give up on the love I've found? Is the hurt for a purpose? Am I too biased for my own good? Am I taking for granted the greatness I have found? So many seem to think so, while so many seem to disagree.
Either way, I feel myself falling harder for Brittany everyday....I don't know how to stop this cycle...I'm so confused. I just want clarity, and perhaps now is not the time for that. Fuck. As of late- it's so hard to distinguish. I guess I'll just have to live day by day, and do what makes me happy...
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